Wow. It’s been a long, long time since my last posting. I feel like an entire lifetime has happened in between then and now. My main point with this post is to express my current thoughts in a written format, just because sometimes that makes the head less clouded.(Try it sometime.) In addition to this, I always like to help people who can relate to me and hope that they can benefit from my experiences.
Since Spring Break, I have graduated from college, pulled out my hair with stress, been heartbroken, been ecstatic, climbed a mountain, received a string of bad news, and received some of the best news in my life.
The last couple of months of undergrad flew by in a whirlwind of conferences, events, job applications, work, internship work, finals, 50-page papers and moving back home. The days leading up to graduation were stressful. Little did I know I was in for nothing yet.
Graduation was one of the best days of my entire life and I’ve only been as happy on possibly 4 other occasions. It was so sad to say goodbye to friends that I’ve made and loved, but I knew this was all a part of the experience. I had the best time celebrating the end of my college journey with friends and loved ones.
June/July – Fast-forward two weeks and without a secured job, I was forced to move back home after being essentially kicked out by a less than stellar roommate. (He had gone behind my back and my other roommate’s back and gotten two new roommates without our knowledge. It was swell.) I was crushed. Here I was back in the suburbs with my family who I definitively get along with better when we’re apart (weird, I know). It was hard to get out of bed every day because I felt so claustrophobic and lost. On top of this, I was pulling 40-hour weeks at Target which is enough to make anyone crazy. However, I will say that moving back home made me more determined than ever to move back out into the world, and I slowly started to realize that this time I would most likely be all on my own, which for me was a scary thought because I have always had someone there. I was ready for it though. And so began the grueling job application process.
For the entirety of June and July, any free time I had that I wasn’t working, or enjoying my summer with friends and family, I was filling out job applications, updating my resume and online portfolios, networking, looking for opportunities, reading to keep the mind sharp, staying up to date on trends and current events, writing cover letters and putting the finishing touches on my in-person portfolio. Let me make one thing clear, when someone is truly trying to find a job, help them, or ask for help if you are that person. Finding a job IS a full-time job. It’s a lot of work. For most of the positions I applied for, cover letters and a concise resume were required and those take time to give some TLC to.
The stress I felt during this process was painful. Many places would never contact me, some would take weeks/ a month to contact me, most would send “we’re sorry, but no” letters. It stung. I started out by applying for places in Buffalo alone, feeling inadequate for a job away from Buffalo because I had a network here and I really felt I couldn’t compare to potential applicants from bigger schools nationally. Being told no, or being rejected (which is perhaps one of my top 5 biggest fears-rejection) is a real confidence dampener. It’s pretty bad for morale. Especially when left and right, other graduates are posting on Facebook about their news jobs, lives, engagements, relationships, babies, homes, etc. (The list goes on and on). Often I would find myself asking “what’s so bad about me? What’s so wrong with me? Why aren’t I good enough?” Listen. If you feel this way in any given situation, whether it be work or something else, you NEED to talk about it with someone else. It makes the anxiety that follows and the stress more manageable. It sucks going through it alone. It really helps to talk things out with either someone who gets the situation, or someone who gets you. As far as my job search, little did I know I was in for a break.
Late July- While searching on LinkedIn for positions, I was almost at the point of just not applying for jobs anymore and taking a month off, it was too stressful. In the most recent days of applying, I started applying for jobs in Rochester it was only an hour and a half away and the move wouldn’t be too hard. This is where everything changed. I saw that Edelman, had a branch in Rochester known as Edelman Intelligence. I thought “what the hell, I won’t get it but at this point I’m tired so hey.” A little backstory on Edelman is that it’s the largest and top PR Firm in the world, and they have offices in major cities across the US and internationally. Click here for more info on them. Edelman had been my goal, a dream of mine, since I was 19. I was applying for the Intelligence branch, which is the integrated research, analytics and measurement division of Edelman. One week later I received an email from them. This email was asking when I’d be available for a phone interview, 3 days later I had said phone interview and was told that if I’ve moved on to the in-person interview I would receive an email in a week. The next day, I was pleasantly surprised to receive that very email. 3 days later I was driving to Rochester more nervous than I’d been in a long, long time. The interview was an hour long and I really felt an immediate attachment to the office, and I felt that I made an impact, it was more of a conversation than 20 Questions, and leaving I felt hopeful and confident. They said that I would receive a call within a week or two telling me one way or another whether or not I got the job. After a long, hard week of anticipation, in which I really, truly thought that maybe I wasn’t a right fit, I received a call with a job offer and the rest is history.
I start Monday. I’m still in shock and it hasn’t really hit me how fast everything is moving. For the most part people have been so supportive and shown me a kindness and aa true happiness for me that I wasn’t expecting. I also wasn’t expecting people to NOT be happy for me. That really sucks and it hurts because with some people you can tell they resent me or that they’re almost mad at me for this next step of my life. There are some people who I thought would be ecstatic for me, and would celebrate with me and be the people I could talk to about my excitement and everything, but they very clearly don’t care. I guess it’s true that other people don’t and can’t define your own happiness. I learned that in the hardest, slap-in-your-face way in the last two weeks. But enough about that. That’s another long, long post for another day.
I was talking with a friend of mine last night and I’m ready for a couple things: I’m ready to start dating again or maybe even dare I say it, a relationship, (serious or non, I need to make friends in my new home) this of course is a whole different process. Also, I think I’m ready for a puppy. I think I’m gonna start with a fish and work my way towards a puppy, but we’ll see.
As I look at apartments, I’m realizing this is all real and happening and I’m so ready to start working. I’ll be leaving some things behind, but gaining so much more. I may live on an island now, but I’m really going to be on a metaphoric island alone for a while. I’m optimistic for the future, more so then I ever have been. And to you, faceless, nameless reader on the other side of a screen, thanks for reading and should any of you ever want to grab a coffee, feel free to reach out.